ROMANTIC MUSINGS: Depth of Love

Underwater scene

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” ~Khalil Gibran

Remember when the world fell at our feet?

You were my sunset and I was your dawn. Now we remain as distant as stars, beyond each other’s reach and no longer in each other’s orbit.

I have spent many days and nights in my head, lost among the veils of my thoughts and in need of finding my way out. For it is a dangerous place to be for a hopeless romantic.

I would hide in my heart, if it wasn’t broken, but there isn’t any comfort to be found in the absence of love. It is a cold and desolate place at the moment. A dungeon where the prisoner is memory and I cannot bear to watch it die.

My soul, too, has been shattered by the hammer of betrayal. The pieces leave me in the form of tears.

Some days are easier than others, and though logic dictates that eventually each day will get easier than the last, I can’t say with any certainty that that will actually be the case.

Though experience tells me this will be an inevitability, experience can only provide insight through the lens of its own visual. Which is to say that my experience has never seen this kind of pain, because I have never felt this deeply for anyone else. Thus, making this experience a unique circumstance in the paradigm of my life.

You were the only woman to have led me through these highs and lows. The only woman I have ever allowed myself to be subjected to these extremes.

Though I may not be the one whom you will remember as the love of your life, it will be with regret on both our behalf that you will learn when it is too late that every woman only gets one man to love her with such depth, just as every man only gets one woman to love him with her entire heart. I had hoped we would have been that for each other. Alas, it appears that was not to be our fate.

Some days it hurts too much to breathe. Some nights, well, actually most nights sleep isn’t an adequate escape from the pain.

I try to bury it. But the deeper I dig the more of you, of us, I find entrenched in my existence. It’s as if who I am has absorbed you into my being, and my identity is no longer mine alone.

You changed me. Perhaps I changed you too. Not in the trivial, idiosyncratic way, but on a profound level where our consciousness has slightly shifted and we will never look at love the same again.

As a consequence, I do not know who I am without you. I never imagined I would ever have to find out, because I believed we were on the path to forever…sinking into the depths of love.

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